Relationships Pt 1

This is one of the harder topics for me to talk about, but I did have a couple questions about it. So, I'll do my best...

How has dating been for you?

This is hard because every relationship I've been in has been so different mostly because they all happened at different times in my transition. I have a bad habit of getting attached to acceptance, and that's what gets me in trouble - every time. Currently, dating and relationships are completely off the table. I feel like I need to keep working on myself and my own personal growth and acceptance before I can be a part of a healthy relationship. I've been in a few long term relationships as well as a couple shorter endeavors. All have helped me grow and I am forever grateful for those experiences.

I can tell you this... I'm incredibly paranoid of leading people on or misleading someone when it comes to having anywhere near feelings for me. So, I am very cautious about telling anyone I date about it. I am diligent about being up front about it as soon as possible if there's even a remote chance of something happening.

There have been so many times even still that I've thought I wasn't good enough, not man enough, for a true, lasting, loving relationship. My insecurities in this regard completely take over sometimes, and I just have to remember to breathe and accept my situation. I accepted that I may never be a dad and I may never be a husband, and that's OK. All I can do is pray about it and have full trust in God's plan.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

-Anonymous Joe

For Anyone Who's Struggling...

Please take the opportunity to just listen...

No matter what you're going through, the best is yet to come! Keep your head up and stand tall.

You're your own worst enemy...

"There Will Be A Day" Jeremy Camp

- Anonymous Joe

Recent Questions

With every post, I will attempt to answer questions that were presented to me as well as share some thoughts I've had recently.

Question 1: When did you start? Have you had surgery?

If you're wondering about the physical part of this process, there are very specific standards of care (that you can read in several different languages here) that each individual must follow to have things done safely and properly. This required me to see a therapist for several months before I was even allowed a doctor's appointment for testosterone. My first hormone injection was in August 2005. It immediately changed my life. I had top surgery and a full phalloplasty over the course of just under 10 years due to financial constraints. This stuff is EXPENSIVE!

Question 2: Do you have trouble coming out to people that are close to you?

Yes and no....
There are enough people in my life that know my background that I feel comfortable with leaving it where it currently is. I have never had anyone confront me or say anything rude to my face about my situation, but I am extremely particular about who I tell. Now that I am so far into the process, I can be even more strategic in who knows what. The whole point of my transition is for me to be complete. A whole being. A man in all ways. If there's no logical reason for someone  to know, then they don't. It's as simple as that. However, when I do decide to let someone in, it is nerve-wrecking. Once that person knows though, I'm comfortable answering questions and easing previous misconceptions.

**Relationships and dating... 'nother story for a whole 'nother time... **

I was provided with a short message about how great it was to hear about transgender situations and God in one message, and it solidified my reasoning for sharing this information. As I go through all the crazy emotions that comes with transitioning, I have to constantly remind myself that my struggles were not an accident. My pain, grief, misunderstanding, self-loathing and frustration was designed specifically for me! My perspective on these moments though is what makes it different. I could easily be knocked down, forever trapped in my own negativity. However, every single moment was placed on my path to build me up, give me strength and gain a deeper relationship with God. I have not been forgotten. I am not alone. God will provide!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Goodnight! I wish you well.
-Anonymous Joe