There have been many situations that have put me in a place - that's challenged me to the core, but something has always told me to just hang on and that I had a purpose. My last relationship got physical more than a few times, but I stood my ground and never hit her back. I swore I'd never be that guy, and I wouldn't let her turn me into that guy. Ever. She used my situation and insecurities against me, so much so that on two separate occasions she challenged me to take my own life. She literally dared me to. I grabbed her small pistol and went into 'my' room alone. I would sit against the door in the dark and just stare at the open end of the gun. The first time something deep inside me would not let me do it. I just sat there, and eventually she came by and asked for her gun back. The second time, I couldn't figure out how to get the thing to work, and I remember feeling defeated. It seemed like she would've just let me do it and would even tell me that I'm all talk. Over and over something inside me would tell me that I have a purpose greater than that moment, but I thought of life as a punishment. I had to suffer and live maybe because of my situation. I didn't deserve to be free of everything and be truly happy...
Oh, how things have changed :)
I cannot describe the peace I've felt since she left. It truly is amazing! Peace is not just flowers and carefree. Peace is confidence, security and greatness. John Gray describes peace as a soldier, and I completely agree. I feel like I literally stand taller, like I can take on whatever comes my way and be not just ok, but thrive! It's crazy awesome! God is definitely good :)
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